Conditional Love

She still loves us anyway!

Neal Pollard

In every area of life I can think of, conditions are necessary.  Contracts almost always contain clauses, caveats, and quid pro quos.  Jesus even provided conditions for the marriage "contract," allowing one whose mate commits fornication to divorce and remarry an eligible person (Mat. 19:9) or one whose mate dies to marry an eligible person (Rom. 7:1-4).  Though making no allowance for remarriage, as some say, Paul does add that one does not have choose marital obligations to a mate over Christ (1 Cor. 7:15).  Further, one is not required to remain in a situation where abuse and physical danger is a viable threat either to that one or whatever children are involved, even if such reprehensible conduct does not allow the victim the right of remarriage (cf. Mat. 5:32; 19:9).  Love does not act unbecomingly (1 Cor. 13:5), and those who are lazy, lustful, selfish, demeaning, wrathful, and the like may bear the fruit of disdain and distance from a fed-up or heart-broken spouse.

That said, there is an alarming amount of "conditional love" that defies sympathy.  Through the years, I have known those before and after marriage who made the physical weight and appearance of their loved one a condition of their love.  For others, it was money or salary.  For others still, it was social status and social-climbing.  Perhaps, with some brainstorming, we could grow this list of "provisos" much longer.  This approach to "love" that says "I will love you if…," "I will love you when…," "I will love you unless…," or "I will love you until" runs contrary to the spirit of Christ.  He is the standard of love.  Husbands are to love their wives like Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25).  Wives are to be taught to demonstrate selfless love to their husbands, too (Ti. 2:4). 

Consider Christ's love.  He loved us when we were helpless, sinful enemies (Rom. 5:6-10).  He loved us before we loved Him (1 Jn. 4:19).  He continues to love us, though we fall short (Rom. 3:23; 8:38-39).  That does not mean that He will unconditionally save us, but the Bible's clear indication is that He will continue to love us no matter what.  Certainly, that will revolutionize our thinking as a Christian, but we should allow it to revolutionize our earthly relationships.  As John says, "Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another" (1 Jn. 4:11).

In every area of life I can think of, conditions are necessary.  Contracts almost always contain clauses, caveats, and quid pro quos.  Jesus even provided conditions for the marriage "contract," allowing one whose mate commits fornication to divorce and remarry an eligible person (Mat. 19:9) or one whose mate dies to marry an eligible person (Rom. 7:1-4).  Though making no allowance for remarriage, as some say, Paul does add that one does not have choose marital obligations to a mate over Christ (1 Cor. 7:15).  Further, one is not required to remain in a situation where abuse and physical danger is a viable threat either to that one or whatever children are involved, even if such reprehensible conduct does not allow the victim the right of remarriage (cf. Mat. 5:32; 19:9).  Love does not act unbecomingly (1 Cor. 13:5), and those who are lazy, lustful, selfish, demeaning, wrathful, and the like may bear the fruit of disdain and distance from a fed-up or heart-broken spouse.

That said, there is an alarming amount of "conditional love" that defies sympathy.  Through the years, I have known those before and after marriage who made the physical weight and appearance of their loved one a condition of their love.  For others, it was money or salary.  For others still, it was social status and social-climbing.  Perhaps, with some brainstorming, we could grow this list of "provisos" much longer.  This approach to "love" that says "I will love you if…," "I will love you when…," "I will love you unless…," or "I will love you until" runs contrary to the spirit of Christ.  He is the standard of love.  Husbands are to love their wives like Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25).  Wives are to be taught to demonstrate selfless love to their husbands, too (Ti. 2:4). 

Consider Christ's love.  He loved us when we were helpless, sinful enemies (Rom. 5:6-10).  He loved us before we loved Him (1 Jn. 4:19).  He continues to love us, though we fall short (Rom. 3:23; 8:38-39).  That does not mean that He will unconditionally save us, but the Bible's clear indication is that He will continue to love us no matter what.  Certainly, that will revolutionize our thinking as a Christian, but we should allow it to revolutionize our earthly relationships.  As John says, "Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another" (1 Jn. 4:11).

“I’m Not Getting Anything Out of Worship”

President James Madison experienced many health problems in the later part of his life.  A friend of his sent him a box of vegetable pills he had made and asked James to inform him if they helped at all.  After some time, the man received a letter from President Madison which said, “My dear friend, I thank you very much for the box of pills.  I have taken them all; and while I cannot say I am better since taking them, it is quite possible that I might have been worse if I had not taken them."

Today, many walk away from religious activities because they felt like they “didn’t get anything out of it.”  I don’t remember many of the meals I have eaten in my life, but one look at my waistline will tell you that I haven’t missed many.  Even though I don’t remember what I ate, my body has still grown and gained strength because of them.  If I’m honest, I don’t remember the vast majority of lessons I have heard in my life, but this doesn’t mean I haven’t benefited from them.  I know I have grown spiritually because of the godly influences that have been in my life.  In fact, like Madison, there is no telling how much worse I would be without them.  It scares me to think about where I would spend my time if not at church and other spiritual activities.  I would most likely be filling my mind with worldly influences from TV, video games, non-Christian friends, etc.  Surely many sins would not be far behind such influences (1 Corinthians 15:33).

It doesn’t always feel like we get something out of worship, but we do.  Just the simple fact of being present at worship brings us away from the world and around positive Christian examples.  Not to mention, the class or lesson might have something, even if it is little, to help us walk closer to the Lord.

Next time you feel like you aren’t getting anything out of worship, it’s time to take a good long hard look at yourself and ask some tough questions: (1) Can you honestly say you have NEVER benefited from worship in the past, and WILL NEVER benefit from it in the future? (2) Are you being selfish? (3) Why do you want to skip out on spiritual activities and being around other Christians so badly?  (4) What will you spend your time doing if not with Christians in the assembly?

The old saying is so true, “You get what you put into it.”  When we put selfishness, arrogance, and worldly thoughts into worship, it’s no surprise that we walk away feeling “empty.”  After all, there was no room for anything else other than our own selfishness (Philippians 2:3-4)!  However, when we put humility, an open heart, and a focused mind into worship, there is no limit to the benefits we will reap (James 4:10; Luke 14:11).

Whether we believe it or not, there is nothing better we could do with our time than being around other Christians and worshipping God (Luke 10:27).  If we feel otherwise then it is time to check our priorities.

Ask Not What The Church Can Do For You

Neal Pollard

On January 20, 1961, John F. Kennedy gave his inaugural address as president of the United States.  In it, he ends with these famous words: “Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man.”  What a great challenge to a nation, for each citizen to see his or her responsibility and place and to center on service rather than self-service.

What about the church?  What should our disposition be?  Should we take the tack of entitlement or encouragement?  Could we not borrow a page from the late president’s playbook and reframe the question?

Ask not, “What is the church doing for me?”  Ask, “What can I do for the church?”

Ask not, “Why aren’t you serving me?” Ask, “How can I serve you?”

Ask not, “What are you doing?” Ask, “What can I do?”

Ask not, “Why aren’t you better/more?” Ask, “Where can I improve?”

Ask not, “Why aren’t you?” Ask, “Why am I not?”

May we never fall into the trap of setting up a double standard, especially if we expect of others more than we can or are willing to produce ourselves.  The old folks would call that “sweeping around your own front door.”  Jesus said it this way, “Do not judge so that you will not be judged. For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Mat. 7:1-5).

This is an oft-abused passage, but surely its application here is unmistakable. Let us recognize each other as fellow-strugglers, but also fellow-servants.  None of us have been called to walk the red carpet, but rather to use the servant’s towel.  We have been called to serve, not be served (cf. Mat. 20:28).

Woman Gets Married to Herself

 

The bride, Nadine Schweigert, walked down the isle at a chapel in Fargo, North Dakota.  She was wearing a teal blue satin dress and clutched a bouquet of white roses.  Forty of her closest friends and family watched as she made her way up to the front where she stood there all alone.  Typically, people would have been concerned by the absence of the groom, but not for this ceremony.  On this day, Nadine was getting married to herself.

Nadine had an interview with TV host Anderson Cooper about the ceremony.  Here was her explanation for her actions, “It was me standing up for myself and owning that I’m responsible for my happiness.  There would have been a time that I would have placed that on others, to change myself to make them happy, or expecting them to change to make me happy and that really wasn't working, not at all.  I was very unhappy.  I started discovering that all the love I need, it's in here [gesturing to her herself]. No one else can give it to me…I did this to celebrate the progress I've made in my life.  Six years ago I would have handled a problem by going out and drinking.  I smoked, I was 50 lbs overweight.  This is just celebrating how far I've come in my life.”  Sticking with this commitment, Nadine also takes herself on dates, as she explained, “to be married to myself means I have to invest in this relationship.”

To be honest, this entire situation is strange and uncomfortable.  It is completely understandable that we should learn to love and be happy with who we are.  But actually planning a formal wedding ceremony for herself and taking herself on dates just takes it to an awkward level.

Beyond this, two main problems really stood out to me with this situation.  First, this boils down to selfishness.  I understand she is celebrating how far she has come through adversity, but that is just it, it is all about her.  She is focused on herself and now married to herself.  We might even call this the ultimate form of selfishness.  Everything in her future is now about what makes her happy.  Second, she is completely reliant on herself.  There is no focus or reliance on God.  Several times Nadine talked about how she is all that she needs and no one else can make her happy.  What she is really saying is, “true happiness is only found in yourself.”  No one else, especially God, is seen in this picture.

This kind of mindset is completely opposed in Scripture (Psalm 119:36; Proverbs 18:1; Matthew 22:37-39; etc).  Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”

While there is nothing wrong with learning to love and be happy with ourselves, we can most definitely take that too far.  Our culture has become focused on self and situations like Nadine’s are simply products of this focus.  The more we focus on ourselves, the faster we will lose focus on God.  Let’s make sure we always focus on what is really important, God.

Adult Hissy Fits

We have all seen it at one time or another.  A two-year-old falls to the ground, kicking, screaming, and throws a bit hissy fit.  Anytime I have seen this, I can’t help but feel embarrassed for the child and the parents.  A fit is one of the ultimate displays of immaturity.  However, despite the fact that we get older, adults still throw hissy fits.

Yesterday evening, the New York Knicks played the Miami Heat in game two of the NBA playoffs.  The Kicks came up short and are now down two games for the series.  Naturally, everyone on the Knicks team was upset and frustrated, but Amare Stoudemire took it to a different level.  Minutes after the end of the game, Stoudemire took his anger and frustration out by punching the glass case around a fire extinguisher.  We might go so far as to say that he threw a hissy fit.

The results of the situation are pretty detrimental.  Stoudemire has several lacerations on his hand which required stitches.  He will miss the next game and possibly the rest of the playoffs.  His selfish move cost his team one of their best players and probably will result in them getting knocked out of the playoffs.  The situation was bad being two games down to a very good Miami team, but the situation now is much, much worse because Stoudemire threw a fit.

Anger is one topic that is well covered by Scripture (Ephesians 4:26, 31-32; Ecclesiastes 7:9; Psalm 37:8; Proverbs 14:17; 15:1, 18; 21:19; etc).  The question at hand is, “How do we react when we are angry?”  Do we act maturely and handle the situation like adults, or become selfish and throw a fit because things didn’t go our way?  It is always wrong when our anger drives us to…

• Violence (Psalm 11:5).
• Hurtful words (Matthew 5:22; Proverbs 15:1).
• Revenge (Matthew 5:38-48; Romans 12:9, 17-21).
• Any other sin (Colossians 3:8; Ephesians 4:26). 

While it comes in a less obvious form, we are kidding ourselves if we think adults don’t throw fits of anger.  Kids throw fits because they didn’t get their way, are being selfish, and make a public display of their disapproval.  Adults are also in situations where they didn’t get their way, are selfish, and decide to make a public display of their feelings.  All things considered, there is very little difference.  Most times, the root of our anger is selfishness.  Something didn’t go MY way, or something happened to ME that I don’t like.

Stoudemire isn’t a bad guy; he just made a bad decision.  I appreciate his comments afterwards on his twitter account, “I am so mad at myself right now.  I want to apologize to the fans and my team, not proud of my actions.  Headed home for a new start.”  Time will tell whether Stoudemire will control his anger or not, but at least he recognizes he was out of place and is looking towards improvement.

We have all lost control of our anger, and yes, even thrown adult hissy fits.  The question is, “What steps are you going to take to have better self-control over your anger” (Galatians 5:22-23; 2 Peter 1:5-7)?