Conditional Love

She still loves us anyway!

Neal Pollard

In every area of life I can think of, conditions are necessary.  Contracts almost always contain clauses, caveats, and quid pro quos.  Jesus even provided conditions for the marriage "contract," allowing one whose mate commits fornication to divorce and remarry an eligible person (Mat. 19:9) or one whose mate dies to marry an eligible person (Rom. 7:1-4).  Though making no allowance for remarriage, as some say, Paul does add that one does not have choose marital obligations to a mate over Christ (1 Cor. 7:15).  Further, one is not required to remain in a situation where abuse and physical danger is a viable threat either to that one or whatever children are involved, even if such reprehensible conduct does not allow the victim the right of remarriage (cf. Mat. 5:32; 19:9).  Love does not act unbecomingly (1 Cor. 13:5), and those who are lazy, lustful, selfish, demeaning, wrathful, and the like may bear the fruit of disdain and distance from a fed-up or heart-broken spouse.

That said, there is an alarming amount of "conditional love" that defies sympathy.  Through the years, I have known those before and after marriage who made the physical weight and appearance of their loved one a condition of their love.  For others, it was money or salary.  For others still, it was social status and social-climbing.  Perhaps, with some brainstorming, we could grow this list of "provisos" much longer.  This approach to "love" that says "I will love you if…," "I will love you when…," "I will love you unless…," or "I will love you until" runs contrary to the spirit of Christ.  He is the standard of love.  Husbands are to love their wives like Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25).  Wives are to be taught to demonstrate selfless love to their husbands, too (Ti. 2:4). 

Consider Christ's love.  He loved us when we were helpless, sinful enemies (Rom. 5:6-10).  He loved us before we loved Him (1 Jn. 4:19).  He continues to love us, though we fall short (Rom. 3:23; 8:38-39).  That does not mean that He will unconditionally save us, but the Bible's clear indication is that He will continue to love us no matter what.  Certainly, that will revolutionize our thinking as a Christian, but we should allow it to revolutionize our earthly relationships.  As John says, "Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another" (1 Jn. 4:11).

In every area of life I can think of, conditions are necessary.  Contracts almost always contain clauses, caveats, and quid pro quos.  Jesus even provided conditions for the marriage "contract," allowing one whose mate commits fornication to divorce and remarry an eligible person (Mat. 19:9) or one whose mate dies to marry an eligible person (Rom. 7:1-4).  Though making no allowance for remarriage, as some say, Paul does add that one does not have choose marital obligations to a mate over Christ (1 Cor. 7:15).  Further, one is not required to remain in a situation where abuse and physical danger is a viable threat either to that one or whatever children are involved, even if such reprehensible conduct does not allow the victim the right of remarriage (cf. Mat. 5:32; 19:9).  Love does not act unbecomingly (1 Cor. 13:5), and those who are lazy, lustful, selfish, demeaning, wrathful, and the like may bear the fruit of disdain and distance from a fed-up or heart-broken spouse.

That said, there is an alarming amount of "conditional love" that defies sympathy.  Through the years, I have known those before and after marriage who made the physical weight and appearance of their loved one a condition of their love.  For others, it was money or salary.  For others still, it was social status and social-climbing.  Perhaps, with some brainstorming, we could grow this list of "provisos" much longer.  This approach to "love" that says "I will love you if…," "I will love you when…," "I will love you unless…," or "I will love you until" runs contrary to the spirit of Christ.  He is the standard of love.  Husbands are to love their wives like Christ loved the church (Eph. 5:25).  Wives are to be taught to demonstrate selfless love to their husbands, too (Ti. 2:4). 

Consider Christ's love.  He loved us when we were helpless, sinful enemies (Rom. 5:6-10).  He loved us before we loved Him (1 Jn. 4:19).  He continues to love us, though we fall short (Rom. 3:23; 8:38-39).  That does not mean that He will unconditionally save us, but the Bible's clear indication is that He will continue to love us no matter what.  Certainly, that will revolutionize our thinking as a Christian, but we should allow it to revolutionize our earthly relationships.  As John says, "Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another" (1 Jn. 4:11).

“If You Love Me…”

 

A man by the name of Jimmy Brown told a story about the first girl who ever caught his eye.  He was seven years old, in 2^nd grade, and her name was Sherri.  She was the cutest girl he had ever seen with little pigtails, a beautiful dress with a big teddy bear on it, and the prettiest smile, even with a middle tooth missing.  Best of all, she could jump off of the swing further than anyone.

One day Sherri passed down a note which read, “Do you love me?”  Jimmy didn’t even know what love was, but he knew girls like being told these things, so he checked “yes” and passed it back.  At recess she ran up to him with a big smile on her face and said, “Say it.”  “Say what?” Jimmy asked.  “Say you love me,” Sherri replied.  While it was a little embarrassing, he went ahead and said, “I love you.”

The next day Sherri came up to Jimmy and said, “Do you really love me?”  “Yes,” he replied.  Unconvinced, Sherri asked, “Do you mean it?  Because a lot of boys tell me they love me, but some of them don’t mean it.”  Jimmy went ahead reassured her that his love was true.  The next day though, Sherri came back again, “If you love me and you mean it, then why don’t you show it?”  Jimmy was now beginning to realize this “love” stuff was tricky.  So, Jimmy decided to stop pulling her pigtails, spent the day with her at recess, sat with her at free time, and even gave her his special GI Joe eraser.  From this point on, Jimmy learned some important lessons about love.

What a sweet story.  In this life, the words “I love you” are common and often used flippantly.  Jimmy Brown quickly learned that just saying the words were not enough.  We even say them to the Lord, but do our words match our actions?  Jesus said very bluntly in John 14:15, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.”  Our love for God must be displayed through our obedience.  As Mark 12:30 puts it, we must love God with all of our “heart, soul, mind, and strength.”

Do we love God?  If so, our action must match.